I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Let's get the cat blown out
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
