Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
