How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
