i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
