Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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