can u get pink eye on your cock?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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