One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
