How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
