Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
