he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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