Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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