some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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