Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize