no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
