I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
