Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize