I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
