i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
