yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize