hell yes lets make some ravioli
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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