my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
