She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
