please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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