That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
