New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
