i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
