It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize