i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
