yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
