Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize