two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
