I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
