$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
and you fell through a lawn chair
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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