Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
