Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
