We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
