The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
