I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
