i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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