I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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