you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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