If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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