I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize