I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
FUCK WHALES
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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