i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
