I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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