Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
