were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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