Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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