I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
