I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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