Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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