ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize