Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
