why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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