So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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