Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize