Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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