Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
