I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
