Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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