A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
