At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
