So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
