i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
