i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
