I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
