Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
