I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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