you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
