We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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