we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm getting married
To pizza
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
