I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
