I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
