I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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