opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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