Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
