i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
