Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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