Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
