I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
