I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize